Thinking Out Loud: Long Distance Dating/Relationships

November 23, 2014

So for those who don't already know, my boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship. (PS Hi babe, cause  know you're probably going to read this sooner or later) Anyway, at first when my boyfriend, Anthony, and I started dating he was living where I'm living now but about a couple months ago he moved back to his home state, New York. So on the bright side of things, at least we're on the same side of the continent, and therefore with him just being an hour ahead, it isn't all too bad compared to couples living in different countries from one another. Which, by the way huge kudos to those couples out there who are doing long distance from different continents/countries because just having my boyfriend live in a different state is already hard enough, I can't even begin to imagine if he lived in a different country.

So a little history of my boyfriend and I. First, before my boyfriend I started doing long distance, we were dating for about 3 months? And prior to that we knew each other for about. I wanna say, about half a year. We met through work around Thanksgiving time, but the first time we actually talked was on my birthday, which was about a month later. And he says from then he always had this crazy crush on me but for me I didn't actually start liking him until about Valentines Day (how cliche and cheesy I know. lol) And I want to say that we really didn't start hanging out until about late March to early April. And it wasn't until about Mid-June that I was actually the one to, I guess, "make it official" and ask him to be my oh-so-lovable boo thaaaaaang. And it wasn't until about the first week of September that he moved back to New York. So we were physically together, as a couple, for about 3 months and so far we've gone 3 months going long distance.

And of course there were people who were telling me that "long distance never works out" or "long distance isn't worth it." And to be honest, at first I was very skeptical about dating him because I knew beforehand that he was planning on moving back, but regardless of what people were telling me, I said F**k it and thought he was worth a shot and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. But so far so good. We have been doing long distance for about 3 months now and we're about to celebrate our six months in December. (Woo-hoo!)

So in honor of having been in a so-far-successful long distance relationship I thought I should create a post on my personal experience, thoughts and possible tips for those who are either already in a long distance relationship, who want to try it out or just for those who are kind of curious as to what and how a long distance relationship/dating is like.

Starting off with some tips:

1. Make sure you're picking the "right" person / Know what you're about to get yourself into

I cannot stress this enough. The one reason why most long distance relationships probably don't work out is because you're "with" the wrong person or you're not fully aware of what you're getting yourself into.  Not saying that initially you'll just automatically know that they're the right person or not, but regardless of the distance, the distance is not what should tear you two apart. That is the GIVEN in long distance because you should know that you will not be physically there with the person and be able to do all those things couples do *wink wink* jk. But seriously being apart is what you signed up for when you decided to be in a long distance relationship with someone. so yes there will be times where it is ridiculously difficult being apart from you boyfriend/girlfriend, yes there will be times where you think the distance isn't worth it, and yes there will be times where you just miss them like crazy but that just leads into tip number 2

2. Visit each other as much as you can

Make sure to plan visits as much as possible. The way Anthony and I schedule our visits is based on my school schedule. So whenever I have an upcoming break, we alternate visits. So if you guys haven't read my post about my visit to New York, I visited Anthony first back in October and now he is planning on coming down here to visit me in December. So we see each other about every other month. 

3. FaceTime / Skype as much as possible
Not being able to see your boyfriend/girlfriend face-to-face is super depressing, but thank goodness for video chatting apps like FaceTime and Skype, it makes seeing them a whole lot easier. Yes, it isn't quite the same as seeing them in person, but just seeing their face and being able to talk to them is comforting. So just make sure to take time out of both your busy schedules for each other. 

4. Communication is key
This is something not only for long distance relationships but in all relationships overall. If you don't talk to them, then you're not building up that sense of comfort or intimacy with them. So text, email, call them, write them letters as much as you can. Especially for long distance relationships, your relationship thrives off communication. Because they're not there with you physically you have to base things off of what they tell you and you can't let yourself overthink things.  For instance, Anthony and I never fail to send each other "Good morning" and "Good Night" texts every single morning and every single night that we're apart from each other. And we FaceTime each other at least once a day and at most ten times a week. And if we don't talk to each other one or the other always tends to overthink things like "They're probably hanging out with someone better" or "Maybe they're with some other guy" just a bunch of insecure nonsense that is natural to think and normal for all couples. That is why you always make sure the two of you are communicating and on the same page, just so there's no misunderstandings and that you don't lose touch with each other. LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING AND THINKING. Do not play hard to get and expect them to just automatically know what you want and or need. Distance is already making it hard enough so save the two of you and everyone else the trouble and just be open with one another. 

5. Trust the other person and stay committed
Being in long distance is prone to lead to temptations of other possible "mates." Having your boyfriend/girlfriend away from you already sucks as it is and so the idea of settling for someone who is actually physically there with you always seems like the path to go. And at first there's always that thought in the back of your mind that makes you think that the other person is going to find someone better while you two are apart, but that is why you have to learn how to discipline yourself and realize what you want and don't want. And this all ties back into tip number 1, which is to know what you're getting into. If you know you're going to be apart from your bf/gf then you should know ahead of time that these temptations of dating other people will pop up, but it is up to you to decide whether or not to stay committed to this person or not and whether or not they're worth being in a relationship with. Which also means that you also have to trust the other person that they're not cheating on you and that you also have to show that you yourself can be trusted. You're showing them that regardless of other people trying to ask you out, you will continuously stay committed to them and the relationship. I know when Anthony and I first started doing long distance, he was worried because of the fact that I'm still in school that there are going to be guys coming at me left and right, however I have showed him that I am not paying those other guys any attention because he can trust me and that I am and will continue to be committed to him. And I already put my whole-full-hearted trust in him because I know what kind of person he is and he knows, NOW, that I would never do him wrong, which goes into my tip number 6.

6. Get to know them on a more intimate and personal level
Sometimes I feel long distance relationships are very beneficial for some couples. You're not really forced into, but you're more prone to getting to know the other person on a deeper level. You're growing more attached to the way they think, who they really are rather than just physically. Not saying that getting to know them physically isn't a bad thing either, but sometimes long distance relationships leads you to get to know one another in a different perspective than you would have when you guys are together face-to-face. 

7. Make plans for the future
And of course there is no "time limit" for long distance dating but eventually there will be a time where someone will eventually move in with someone or the two of you will move somewhere together. I don't think it should be normal to be adjusted or okay with being away from your significant other for a long period of time. I mean there are couples out there that have probably been doing long distance for years, but there will always come a time where you have to take the next big step. OR there will be a time where the couple breaks up. Overall, there are usually only two possible, logical outcomes, move in together and see where the relationship goes or eventually break up and move on with life. The key is to plan and plan and plan ahead. If you two aren't on the same page and the other person just assumes that eventually the two of you are going to move in together one day, but you honestly aren't feeling that route, than it is good for you to let that person know.
8. Stay Positive & Motivated
It gets tough not being able to see you bf/gf whenever you want and there will be times where you feel you're losing the motivation to stay with them. However, you got to keep reminding yourself why you decided to be in this relationship and be optimistic about what the two of you have. Staying motivated is also just as important because in some cases, the distance is just another obstacle to get through and will make the relationship all more worth it.

And that is what I have so far with tips for long distance dating. As for my personal thoughts about long distance, that I didn't already briefly discuss in the tips, I would say that for me, personally, the distance is both good and bad. I feel I never would've gotten to appreciate and gotten to know Anthony the way I have from being in a long distance relationship. I feel that because all we CAN do is talk that it's gotten me to get intimate with him on a different level other than just physical intimacy. And now I don't just love him for his physical features and attributes but for his silly and goofy personality and the way he treats me. And I also think that the distance teaches you not to take the other person for granted and to cherish all the time you have together. Because there will be cases, just like this, where you won't always be with the person nor will you be able to always be there for the person when you really want to.

When thinking more into long distance relationships, or relationships in general, you will without a doubt know when you're with the wrong person. If you're not feeling confident or good about the relationship, you just know. When you're with the right person you don't have to make up excuses for why you're with that person or make a list of pros and cons of why you're with them because when you want to be with someone you put your all into that relationship. That is why I feel that why people think that long distance usually never works is because it's with the wrong person. There is an exception for maybe it's just not the right time and two people just aren't ready for a relationship, but I believe that you basically treat long distance like any other relationship. Yes, it's different in many ways because you're not physically with the person, but your feelings for a certain person shouldn't change because of distance. Kind of like when you move out of your parents house for the first time, you don't stop loving your parents just because you stop seeing them less frequently. And I admit I probably could've used a better analogy but hey, you get what I mean. 

The journey and the experience I've gone through with my boyfriend as of today has been difficult, depressing at times but overall resourceful and I probably wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, other than possibly a lifetime supply of potatoes (just kidding, babe). But I'm glad because  I'm learning more and more about my boyfriend each day along with my appreciation for him is beyond anything I ever thought possible and I just love him soooo so osooooooososososos muchos gracias. 

So yeah, thanks babe for dealing with my $#!& even being hundreds of miles apart, you still the real MVP. LOL 


Yeah I need some sleep. 

Or caffeine. 
So until next time, 

*insert catchy conclusion catch phrase here that I have yet to come up with*

And also don't forget that if you have any questions, comments, suggestions, or wanna tell me about what you think or have experienced with long distance relationships, just leave a comment down below because I would really like to read about it! 

Or also if you want to help me think of a catchier conclusion, leave your ideas down below as well!  

And until another odd number day, (because my posts have somehow always landed on an odd number day)...

With love and best of luck to all the other long distance couples out there! 

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